...you meant when you said "I DO".
As part of Troy and I's premarital counseling, we did Tommy Nelson's Song of Solomon study. The sessions included him walking through the book, verse by verse--making sense of it all and how to apply it in today's marriage.
Tuesday night we had the privilege of hearing him live at HighPoint. He did 2 30-min segments titled "What your mate thought you meant when you said 'I DO'". He addressed the men the first session and the women the second session. It was awesome just as we expected! We even got to speak to him a little afterwards and told him we did his study before we got married in May. His response was, "So do you still like each other?!" haha! He asked which study (as far as what location it was filmed) we did and we told him it was the one at Denton Bible from way back when. (He's been the pastor there for 35 years. Wow!) He said that was their first round doing the Song of Solomon conferences! Its crazy we got to see him just as his ministry to marriage was getting started.
That's the Tommy Nelson we watched through the DVD series.
And here's Tommy we got to see live and meet!
HighPoint recorded the 2 session and have them posted on vimeo. I'll attach the videos at the bottom of the post. I strongly, strongly, strongly encourage you to make time to watch both sessions. Your current or future marriage cannot afford to miss his discernment of The Word, his biblical teaching, and the real life/real marriage application thats all over this. And seriously…. he IS SO FUNNY! Like make-your-abs-sore, pee-your-pants funny! Pretty please with sugar on top… watch!!
I took notes during the sessions but found this summary on Andy Savage's blog (teaching pastor at HighPoint). I used his notes and then just added some additional notes I had in parenthesis.
_____________________________________________________
What your WIFE thought you meant when you said, "I
do."
1. Your wife was thinking tenderness, sensitivity,
gentleness, kindness
Treat her different than a man.
How I speak to her and of her.
How I treat her in public and private.
(Peter writes in 1 Peter 3:7:"Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel" (not a lesser vessel) but a weaker vessel.)
2. A woman wants to be treated with honor
Publicly testify to your wife's greatness. (Proverbs 31)
A woman has a need for a hormone she doesn't produce -
esteem/honor. (Likewise, a man has a need for a hormone he doesn't produce-respect.)
A man is to be a good man to his wife as Christ is a good
Savior to His Church.
3. She needs appreciation
Think more and more of her everyday. (Like how real estate appreciates. Men should think more and more of his wife daily.)
Honor her for what she does.
"Thank you for loving me, caring for kids, etc."
Don't take her for granted.
4. She was thinking provision
Men gotta work.
Wives don't do well with guys who sit on the couch.
Women don't have to work, men HAVE TO.
(Biblically, women are never commanded to work outside the home. Men are.)
5. She wants a leader
Women want to be with a leader.
(Adam was made first as the leader. Eve was made second as the follower.) There was no jump ball - man you were given leadership in
the home from God.
6. She wants a model for her children
She wants to point to her husband and say to her kids,
"That is what God is like."
7. She wants support in discipline
Back her up.
Do not subvert her as a parent.
Women do the lion share of discipline.
8. A woman has to have development
She cannot wonder where her life would have gone if she
hadn't married you.
Support her dreams.
Notice her talents and develop her.
(Look at her talents and make her everything she could be.)
9. She needs affection
NST = non sexual touch
10. She wants romance
Spontaneity is better then efficiency.
Leave kind notes.
11. She has to have security.
No porn.
Nobody else gets into his heart.
No competition.
Women don't do well with worry.
Give them no cause to worry.
12. Your wife needs sex
Some women are starved for sex.
13. She wants a listening ear
Look at her and listen.
Listen to her with your face.
She talks not to get your answers - she already knows the
answer!
She wants to be a listening ear, too - talk to her.
14. She needs help around the house
Be involved in lightening her load.
15. Needs you to be handsome.
Not perfect, but care about the way you look in her eyes.
(Be recognizable. ha!)
What your HUSBAND thought you meant when you said "I
do."
1. Respect
A man's home and wife is the one place/person a man can go
to and find respect and support.
Treat the man in a respectful way.
2. Appreciation
Men want to be thanked.
Men want to be informed on purchases.
Honor his income.
3. A clean house
To manage the home
Reasonably kept
The wife is the point man on the home front.
The home is his Eden.
4. A woman has got to be pretty
Stay lovely.
No one stays young, but you can stay lovely.
(Be recognizable. ha!)
5. A mother to his children
Moms bear the brunt of child rearing.
A woman's purpose is not to teach men but to raise them.
The greatest need a child has early on is a peaceful home.
Kids cannot bear life in a home of disunity.
A woman's greatest calling is to raise great kids.
6. Sex
Men need a responsive wife.
What he hears, sees, smells and feels is important.
He wants a woman to delight in him.
(Have energy-not the idea of "taking one for the team.")
Final thoughts...
Must love each other unconditionally based on obedience to
God.
Give your mate some help to love unconditionally.
Be in the Word of God everyday.
We can't do marriage right on our own.
Develop your like for one another.
Love is fairly easy and clear.
Dying for your wife is unlikely to ever happen.
But we do need to learn to be nice and like her.
Be kind.
Be a great friend and the love will come.
(And just another point…
The 6 E's of an Affair:
1-Eliminate tenderness
2-Encounter someone else
3-Experience someone who is tender (women) and respectful (men)
4-Expedition--shows up wherever he/she is
5-Expression- "I wish my wife/husband treated me as well as you did…"
6-Experience
If you watch the videos I'd love to know and hear your thoughts! Y'all, its so good!!
Tom Nelson :: I DO event :: Part 1 from Highpoint Church on Vimeo.
Tom Nelson :: I DO event :: Part 2 from Highpoint Church on Vimeo.
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